Wario Costume (X-Large) | $34 | Amazon
The day of ascension has come. For millennia, we have waited for the day where the human race could reach its final form. It is now time that we leave our mortal shells behind and unlock our true potential as sentient beings with a deeper connection to the universe. It is time to become Wario. Like the monarch butterfly emerging from the cocoon, Wario is about transformation. We begin this life as slobbering children, scraping against the carpet hopelessly. We grow larger and smarter in a never ending quest for knowledge but this is the final endpoint we seek.
Your belly becomes large with power. Your moustache grows like the great branches of an ancient oak tree. Your nose balloons out to accommodate your your heightened senses. You love money, but not in a capitalistic way. You simply love the shine of gold. It reminds you of home. Some unknowable place where the walls glisten in another sun’s light. Lightly pull at your overall straps and feel the denim bounce back against your body. They are now part of you. Wario is love. Wario is wealth. Wario is comfort. This is humanity’s gift.
You can buy a full body Wario costume for $34.