Vitamix 5200 64oz Blender | $300 | Amazon
Look, we get it—you want that smoothie in the mornings, but the cleanup and maintenance required sends you to the donut shop instead. Don’t compromise your diet. Just get yourself a Vitamix blender, which cleans itself in under a minute and is $150 off at Amazon. That brings your total down to $300, which is still mighty expensive for a blender, but Vitamix says its aircraft-grade stainless steel blades can spin so fast that it can turn cold ingredients into hot soup with six minutes of liquidizing. Need I say more?