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Pre-Order Sonic Colors Ultimate: Launch Edition to Take Sonic's Son Away From Him

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Sonic Colors Ultimate: Launch Edition (Switch) | $40 | Amazon
Sonic Colors Ultimate: Launch Edition (Xbox One/X) | $40 | Amazon
Sonic Colors Ultimate: Launch Edition (PS4) | $40 | Amazon

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We here at Kinja are still mourning the death of our leader and former CEO, Wario. As you all know, Sonic broke down our doors, ate him, and became the new CEO. Does this behavior sound like that of a good father? Hell no. Sonic’s son, Baby Sonic, is in danger every waking moment of each day. Lucky for us, Sonic is in LA this afternoon meeting with Jim Carrey to talk movie sequels. He won’t see this article. This is our only chance to get his son and hand him over to Child Protective Services. We found a loophole in Sonic’s custody agreement from his divorce with Edith Finch. If one of our readers pre-orders Sonic Colors Ultimate: Launch Edition, Baby Sonic’s full custody will transfer to that reader. So please... For Edith’s sake... Pre-order this game.